Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Randomize
