Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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