Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
