You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
