I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
