On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
