Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
