I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
