My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
