well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
