Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
