I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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