well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
