He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
