Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
