hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
