just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
