It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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