I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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