I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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