Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
