i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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