I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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