i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
