he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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