Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
