Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
