is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
