OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
