I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
