it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
