she was so not down for the gang bang
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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