Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
