one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
