my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
