I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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