Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
