News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
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