This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
