and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
