There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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