i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
