I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
