dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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