i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
