It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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