Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And then he peed in my hair
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