$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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