He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
