so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
