1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You have to summon your inner elephant
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
