Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
