Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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