All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hippo gnu deer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
