I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
