Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
