Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
