never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
